User talk:Skittles22003
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the Cave page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! SoPretentious (talk) 16:44, May 13, 2016 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 18:42, May 19, 2016 (UTC) Re: Story Starting with the basics that have no impact on the deletion of a story but are still important to learn. Using indentation in any story causes a white box effect which renders a story very difficult to read (outside of editor mode). While it's correct to indent in literature, on wiki it causes those formatting issues. As for the story itself, it didn't take very long to see the issues present in the story. Besides your tendency to not use apostrophes in contractions ("proves thats not always what it means."), awkward/contradictory wording ("I will recount it as best I can with as much detail I can remember. I won't go into much detail on this part, because it doesn't really matter."), spelling ("He then picks up his shoes and jacket, folks (sic) the jacket and sets it on top of his shoes"), there were also quite a lot of story issues. Story issues: The opening is pretty generic. "Well I'm here to tell you a TRUE story". As you're basically recounting a dream, you really need to delve into how it effected the protagonist and why this is frightening as almost everyone has had a nightmare at some point. Just re-telling a nightmare doesn't really make for an involving story. The 'this is totally real' introduction is really weakened when you take the conclusion into account. "He's going to kill me. I know it." If the protagonist is so certain they're going to die, why are they writing all of this out rather than say, getting help? How exactly is this killer child going to harm the protagonist 200 years after the dream? Additionally, why is he targeting the protagonist? Story issues cont.: "I can't see anything for about 5 seconds. When I can see again, I see terrible things. The maid was mutilated and coughing up blood. The baby was decapitated." Are you meaning to say time passed there as five seconds seems like an incredibly short amount of time to do all that. Additionally how did he decapitate the child as you make no reference of a knife until later in the story where he magically has one? Also, how can a 7 year old boy overpower a full-grown woman and kill a child? Speaking of detail, there is a lot of generic/overused description here. "His eyes weren't normal. They were black. Solid black. His pupils were almost like fire, but red." (Number 12 on the cliche list.) I'm sorry, but this premise really needs a lot of work and the story needs re-tooling as it's pretty generic and not very involving due to lack of description, build-up/tension, or really any plot development at all. I suggest taking your next entry to the writer's workshop as there are quite a lot of issues here that you overlooked. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 19:19, May 19, 2016 (UTC)